We have follies!
They're both on the left. One is 14.8, and the other is 9.3.
Grow, follies, grow!
We go back to check on them tomorrow morning, and I'm hoping they're both enormous. Hopefully, we will trigger shortly after, and have an IUI sometime this weekend!!
Woo!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Crickets.
That's right, no response. Nothing. I had 23 follies on the right and 17 on the left, nothing over 6 mm.
I started back on Clomid, 100 mg this time, immediately on Monday. I'll take it for another five days and then go back for monitoring this coming Monday.
On top of it all, I think I'm getting a UTI and don't have an OB/GYN to call, so I'm having to interview docs this week whilst having hot flashes and being in pain.
Just a comma.
I started back on Clomid, 100 mg this time, immediately on Monday. I'll take it for another five days and then go back for monitoring this coming Monday.
On top of it all, I think I'm getting a UTI and don't have an OB/GYN to call, so I'm having to interview docs this week whilst having hot flashes and being in pain.
Just a comma.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
I've hit a wall
Clomid sucks. It's horrible.
I just keep telling myself that this will work, and I'll never have to do it again. A girl can dream, right?
I am insanely emotional. So sad, so angry, just overwhelmed. I cried the other day because there were so many dishes in the sink, the dog needed food, and I just couldn't imagine having enough energy or the mental capacity to complete either task, much less both.
I've been fighting with S, and he's been working a lot, so we're spending the few hours this week we have together bitching at each other. I've been blaming him for not helping with the house.
I've been alone at work since Wednesday and just feel like the whole world is on my shoulders. I need a break from everyday life.
I'm just so worried that we're going to show up to my appointment on Monday and I will not have responded at all. I have fairly realistic expectations about our chances this cycle (about 30%), but, for some reason, I just can't get it out of my head that my worthless ovaries aren't going to respond to the meds. Ugh.
Infertility sucks, not just because of the horrible medications I have to pump through my body, not just because of the thousands of dollars it's cost us just to get to that point, not just because of all the time we've wasted trying to get pregnant, stuck in purgatory, it sucks mostly because it is just such a mind fuck. It's a totally mental game, and I feel like I just can't win. It's too much for one person.
If I could turn off my brain just half of the time and get a break for a couple of hours, it would make my life exponentially better. So much easier. I wouldn't be so exhausted, so obsessed.
Can we just have our baby now? I want to feel complete, like a real woman that can give her husband children. I'm tired of feeling like three minus one. I love my husband and the family that we are together, but it's just so sad to have to fight this hard to add on. I dream all day about the parents we'll be, the people we'll become, and how our relationship will evolve as husband and wife. I can't wait.
We just have to get through treatment first. This has to be our cycle. I believe it will be our cycle.
Just a comma, just a comma, just a comma, just a comma.
I just keep telling myself that this will work, and I'll never have to do it again. A girl can dream, right?
I am insanely emotional. So sad, so angry, just overwhelmed. I cried the other day because there were so many dishes in the sink, the dog needed food, and I just couldn't imagine having enough energy or the mental capacity to complete either task, much less both.
I've been fighting with S, and he's been working a lot, so we're spending the few hours this week we have together bitching at each other. I've been blaming him for not helping with the house.
I've been alone at work since Wednesday and just feel like the whole world is on my shoulders. I need a break from everyday life.
I'm just so worried that we're going to show up to my appointment on Monday and I will not have responded at all. I have fairly realistic expectations about our chances this cycle (about 30%), but, for some reason, I just can't get it out of my head that my worthless ovaries aren't going to respond to the meds. Ugh.
Infertility sucks, not just because of the horrible medications I have to pump through my body, not just because of the thousands of dollars it's cost us just to get to that point, not just because of all the time we've wasted trying to get pregnant, stuck in purgatory, it sucks mostly because it is just such a mind fuck. It's a totally mental game, and I feel like I just can't win. It's too much for one person.
If I could turn off my brain just half of the time and get a break for a couple of hours, it would make my life exponentially better. So much easier. I wouldn't be so exhausted, so obsessed.
Can we just have our baby now? I want to feel complete, like a real woman that can give her husband children. I'm tired of feeling like three minus one. I love my husband and the family that we are together, but it's just so sad to have to fight this hard to add on. I dream all day about the parents we'll be, the people we'll become, and how our relationship will evolve as husband and wife. I can't wait.
We just have to get through treatment first. This has to be our cycle. I believe it will be our cycle.
Just a comma, just a comma, just a comma, just a comma.
Monday, July 23, 2012
CD5
Just took my first dose of Clomid. There is a syringe in my fridge, that I paid more than $100 for, whose contents I will have to inject into my own body in about a week.
My heart is pounding.
My heart is pounding.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Here we go!
Baseline ultrasound was Thursday morning at 7:00 a.m. It was the easiest appointment I've ever had. There wasn't even any bloodwork, which I had been mentally preparing myself for! It was a really welcome surprise.
Today is my last day as an infertile who hasn't taken fertility meds. I start Clomid 50 mg tomorrow night and will take it until Thursday. On the following Monday (the 30th), I will go in for a monitoring appointment. Assuming that I have awesome follicles, which I totally know that I will, I will trigger sometime shortly thereafter and will have IUI #1 on Wednesdayish. That is so soon! And it involves me giving myself a shot! Well, more likely, it involves S giving me a shot and me squealing like a baby.
This cycle has really crept up on us quickly, especially seeing as how I am used to having 90+ day cycles. I don't think I've really had time to wrap my brain around the fact that I could be staring at two pink lines in less than a month. This whole process has been so nerve-racking, but I am on such a high right now. I am visualizing myself having success and staying positive. I truly believe that this will be our cycle!
Oh, and, even though I probably shouldn't have, I calculated our EDD based on O around CD14. It would be April 22, three days before my birthday!! I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it would be such a blessing. What a wonderful birthday gift!
It would also be totally ironic, because all of our family has told us NOT to have an April or May birthday because of the slew of birthdays around that time. I will take a healthy baby any day, anywhere, during any season at this point, though, so I don't care how expensive that time will be.
I'm just so ready to move on from my RE, move on from this dark place in my life, and find something within myself that gives me the strength to help other women in my current situation. I'm ready to be pregnant. I'm ready to be a mother. This has to be it.
Today is my last day as an infertile who hasn't taken fertility meds. I start Clomid 50 mg tomorrow night and will take it until Thursday. On the following Monday (the 30th), I will go in for a monitoring appointment. Assuming that I have awesome follicles, which I totally know that I will, I will trigger sometime shortly thereafter and will have IUI #1 on Wednesdayish. That is so soon! And it involves me giving myself a shot! Well, more likely, it involves S giving me a shot and me squealing like a baby.
This cycle has really crept up on us quickly, especially seeing as how I am used to having 90+ day cycles. I don't think I've really had time to wrap my brain around the fact that I could be staring at two pink lines in less than a month. This whole process has been so nerve-racking, but I am on such a high right now. I am visualizing myself having success and staying positive. I truly believe that this will be our cycle!
Oh, and, even though I probably shouldn't have, I calculated our EDD based on O around CD14. It would be April 22, three days before my birthday!! I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it would be such a blessing. What a wonderful birthday gift!
It would also be totally ironic, because all of our family has told us NOT to have an April or May birthday because of the slew of birthdays around that time. I will take a healthy baby any day, anywhere, during any season at this point, though, so I don't care how expensive that time will be.
I'm just so ready to move on from my RE, move on from this dark place in my life, and find something within myself that gives me the strength to help other women in my current situation. I'm ready to be pregnant. I'm ready to be a mother. This has to be it.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
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